The Road – By Cormac McCarthy

In My Unhelpful Opinion – A Shitty Book Review

As per usual (do three book reviews count as usual at this point? Or do I have to write more before I can use that phrase?) my review of The Road on my GoodReads account can be accessed here and this review is a more “in-depth” one… sort of. If ranting can be considered in-depth. The Road as a novel also lacks depth, so that poses a problem too . Also spoilers I guess?

However, I do dig the start of my GoodReads review which was: what a boring ass book. Honestly I have never read anything more mundane in my entire life and I have read a good many deal of books in my time both good and bad. This book is set at the end of the world with freaking CANNIBALS and it still manages to be the most mind-numbing plot line ever. Things almost happen – they have the potential to be exciting. Friggen not gonna happen. The most exciting thing that happens is “the man” gets hit in the leg with an arrow or something (I finished this book just over 12 hours ago and I honestly can’t remember. Though I’m pretty sure it was an arrow).

Also holy cheese on a cracker “the boy” was the single most irritating character. This kid, in this new world that he lives in, should be dead. He was crying ALL THE TIME. Like omg it is the end of the world, grow some balls and learn how to survive. Again like I said in the GoodReads, I’m guessing the boy’s goodness and innocence is supposed to be reflective of the world they live in. Probably a little something about human nature and the difference of being the child who is being protected and the father, who is doing the protecting. Friggen barf. Maybe I’m spoiled with how awesome Carl is from The Walking Dead. I mean, he has actual character development and knows when to kill and when not too. This “the boy” had all his shit stolen from him including shoes, food, blankets and flint, is left to die on the beach and is like “well he was just hungry”. That’s not childhood innocence. That is ignorance and naïveté that should not be rewarded or allowed to continue if either of them want to survive. Who leaves your only fucking gun in the sand in a world that is borderline killing you everyday?

I thought maybe it was about a father’s love (not mum’s though ‘cause she most likely killed herself when she realized there was no hope left in the world) for his son, but even that turned out to be boring and lame. His whole thing was making sure his son survives, or that they die together. The Man dies and he’s like nope can’t do it, I’m going to let him get by on luck and the good will of strangers not to kill my boy because I can’t do it. I mean, which is fine. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to kill your child, but not doing it goes against pretty much everything that the book goes on about.

I give it 2/5 stars and that’s being generous because it was actually the narrator of the audio book that kept me going on this one. However, I give credit where credit is due and I remained entertained enough to want to see how it ends. There was no character development, so didn’t’ even care that he died. Honestly I thought the boy was gonna get kidnapped and eaten or something, ‘cause I heard this book described as “tragic”. I also made a quick trip to the cliff notes pages (since this is an audio book and not a hard copy) and I didn’t realize that McCarthy’s writing style added to the style of hopelessness to the book. So half point there, because Atwood did a similar thing and I liked that. Honestly overall I’m super disappointed in this book, which is a shame because it has been on my reading list for so long and I heard such good things.

Shitty Things Customers Do and Say to Your Server

1. Spill red wine all over the place WHILE breaking a glass in the meantime, don’t apologize, look irritated and just move seats.

2. Don’t listen to the server then s/he gives you directions on how to use the debit/credit machine

3. Say “I’ll leave the tip in cash” on a 90 dollar bill, sit at the table for another 45 mins and then leave a toonie.

4. “What beers do you have on draft?” “Sorry sir, we don’t have any, just tall cans” “But what do you have on draft?” “Nothing. Only cans.” “Are you sure? I think I see some taps right there.” “That is wine sir.” “Really?” “Yes. I do work here.” “Oh. Well I’ll have a bottle than.”

5. “What beers do you have?” [Lists them off] “Do you have Canadian?” No. I literally just listed them off. “Did you say Corona?” “The beer list is here sir.” “Oh. Well I don’t know what any of these are.” NOT MY PROBLEM

6. When the order is repeated back to you and then you complain that it wasn’t what you ordered. Yes, it was. You just don’t understand how to read.

7. [Comes in and doesn’t look at menu] “What can I eat here?” I don’t fucking know.

8. [Comes in and doesn’t look at menu] “I’m allergic to wheat, shellfish, tomatoes, most fruit and I don’t eat port or beef.” Ma’am, why the fuck did you come into a restaurant where all these things are served?

9. Don’t tell me there is something wrong with your food when you’re done. Or 75% done. Or after you paid. Tell me when I check on you after your first couple of bites. When you’re done I can’t do jack shit for you because you’re done. You ate it.

10. If you don’t like your drink, it sucks to be you. In Ontario you cannot return your drink. If there is something wrong with it (flat, corked etc.) well then yes of course it will get fixed. But if you sit there and are like “this tastes icky”, oh well.

11. Burp and puke over your shoulder and then don’t tell anyone. That is disgusting and no one likes that type of surprise.

12. Snap your fingers to get my attention. I am not a dog and this will not work.

13. Ask me about school and then insult me with the response “Well good luck finding a job with that.” Lady, you are just ASKING for poor service.

14. No, Facebook does not count as a piece of ID.